I’ve been thinking of writing this post for a while. I’ve been hopeful but hesitant to say “I’m over it.” The postpartum days of no energy. No enthusiasm. No respite from anxiety, frustration, irritation, random and intense anger at minor things, and feelings of isolation and panic. But spring has sprung and with it, my excitement and zest for life. As the freezing weather’s ice and snow melt into memory, I am feeling a renewed vitality. Thank God that though suffering endures for a season, joy comes in the proverbial morning.
(BTW, Psalm 4 was a true comfort when things really stunk. Praying this scripture for myself was encouraging for many reasons. It talks about God hearing our pleas and giving relief from our distress. In verse 8 it says “I will lie down and sleep in peace, for You alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.” While dealing with insomnia and intense fear and worry over something possibly happening to the kids or hubby or myself, this prayer was awesome. Verses 6-7 talk about God being the one who can show us good, and that he can fill hearts with great joy. What hope that was for me! My desire this year is to better understand and know that God-given joy.)
Does this mean I don’t have bad days? Oh, those still come occasionally. Usually after low sleep or an emotional bump in the road (like disagreeing with my hubby, discouraging attacks from “friends” emboldened by the distance social media provides, and others’ struggles I don’t know how to distance myself from). But they are far less frequent and feel more survivable. Sissy is 10 months old, has 6 teeth, has been crawling for a while and the other day even stood up wobbily. (I think wobbily should be a word, even if spell check disagrees.)
One thing lately that I’ve found renewed interest in is exercise. There’s a 90-day fitness challenge Youtube series I’m doing (sort of…no pressure) that’s designed for moms (so that means kids might be around while you’re working out, and workouts are short and sweet though still challenging). I decided my munching had gotten out of control when I had to go back up a pants size. I am less fit now than 3 months postpartum (I had a wedding to be in that had motivated me then)! Some of the extra muffin-topping might have to do with either using food as a comfort when I’m frustrated with the kids (rather than blowing up) or with the fact that I’m not worrying as much. Anyhow, the other day I asked Hubby if he’d come home for lunch two days a week so I could do a quick jog around the block without the kids as Sissy napped and my little fireman either ate lunch or watched a show. So thankful Hubs agreed! But also…so very sore as a result.
Another thing that has gotten me all excited about life again are all the creative opportunities out there. The spring displays in the stores, especially bulbs and plants and gardening stuff (even though I don’t really garden at this point in my life), spark a lot of daydreaming as I grocery shop. 🙂 The sprouting bulbs and other flower shoots in my yard got me itching to get dirt under my nails. While the kids played nearby, either blowing bubbles or discovering sticks to gnaw on (ok, so I didn’t have an eye on Sissy every single second), I got my little shovel down in the soggy soil and scooped up stray plants. Here are the results of my recent spring-spiration (hmmm…not sure if that word works…what do you think? Spring+inspiration?) :
I’m not entirely sure I will keep the wreath that way, but after my winter leaves and berries dried up and I took them off, I didn’t want to pitch the wreath I had covered in moss from my yard.
I don’t remember what kind of little bulb this was last year, but I didn’t want it to get mowed over this year so I rescued it from the random spots in the yard. (As an aside, isn’t the play set my dad built the kids from scratch and discarded playground pieces like the slide and see-saw-type swing, plus water-barrel-turned-tunnel AWESOME?! Big bro is enjoying what he calls his “fireman ladder” a lot lately.)
This last one I did today with an assortment of yardage (or so I call it), but it’s kind of sad looking. I’m hoping it perks up but until then, I have make-shift plant stakes (see the brown-twiggy things? That’s the leftover stems and stake for artificial flowers. Organic-looking yet keeps my wilty bulbs propped up. 🙂 I feel smaht for coming up with that one!)
I like moss, so it is usually featured in the outdoor projects I do. 🙂
Lots of rain lately. I kind of like rainy days, but mostly when they are separated by lovely warmish days we get to go outside during. Soon, I’d like to turn a mint green sink my friend passed on to me into an herb garden planter. Rather keen on that idea. Just need a good chunk of time. Maybe this weekend?!
Friends have been having babies and I’ve been doing nap-time sewing projects for gifts. That’s always fun. My favorite gifts are the ones that don’t take very long but the babies love, which are the taggy jingle or rattle toys (probably would also make a good cat toy if stuffed with catnip. haha) Another quick project are these binkie clips. Sissy’s not a binkie baby but Big bro sure was, and I found these quite necessary for outings, or boy would we be in for it!
A friend took me to a fabric store in town I’d never been to. Sensory overload! Everything was way over my price range (I don’t want to pay more than $4/yard if I must buy fabric new), but I was very inspired. I have some fabric projects in my think tank now, including a dress for the little miss.
I made vanilla again recently, too. Also bought some soap-making supplies. Soap-making has always sounded like too much work, but I would truly enjoy learning how to do it now that I’m building my essential oil collection after learning to make chap-stick last year. Got back into cloth-diapering (it’s day 2. No promises) after feeling like I’m not so overwhelmed with everything.
I’m optimistic about what the future holds. Even if there are potholes in the road ahead, it’s good to be excited about traveling down it again.